It’s now been over 20 years since the first installment in this once-great franchise; and after watching the latest collection of poorly edited action sequences and atrocious dialogue cobbled together that calls itself Fast X, I find myself wondering: “what are we still doing here?”
I get it. There’s a lot of people with a strong attachment to this family, but at a certain point, you have to let go. This franchise has continued long after it crossed the finish line, sputtering around doing pathetic donuts in an empty parking lot just because people show up to watch. Although it looks like we may be headed for a three-part finish, it’s time to call things quits now.
The ‘Fast’ franchise has run out of gas
Full disclosure: I’ve been out on this franchise for a while. However, after the abomination that is F9: The Fast Saga, I went into this with an open mind, wanting to like it. At this point, I fully expect all the foolishness of flying cars knocking helicopters out of the sky, I’m not going to ding this movie for that. That’s just where we’re at now. There are, however, a few things I can’t excuse.
When Fast X sticks to what works in terms of action, there’s some fun to be had. All the car chase sequences are incredibly entertaining, with the visual effects holding at an acceptable level. Unfortunately, when we shift into hand-to-hand combat scenes, it becomes almost unwatchable. I can’t criticize or compliment the fight choreography, because it’s impossible to comprehend what’s going on with jarring, lightning-fast cuts every one to two seconds. I can’t fathom how anyone signed off on this, because it’s simply nauseating to watch.
Sadly, that isn’t the worst of it. Fast X undeniably proves why we need to end the WGA strike and pay writers a fair wage, as it boasts some of the worst dialogue I’ve heard in recent memory. There are several scenes I was left shaking my head because I couldn’t believe parts of a conversation made it out of the first draft, much less into the final cut. Everyone in this movie does their best with what they’re given, but only one stands out and elevates above the lifeless, abhorrent script.
‘Fast X‘ has very little to offer
If there is one reason to carve out three hours to see this movie, it is Jason Momoa. It’s an understatement to say he is having the time of his life, and it shines through from the very beginning. Dante is absolutely terrifying—but Momoa chews on every line and spits out the most entertaining scenes in the film; so much so that you’ll long to return to his character when you’re visiting other storylines. Jason Momoa deserves his flowers for this performance. It’s one of his finest, and Dante is instantly a standout villain in the franchise.
Momoa isn’t the only cast member with a performance that bears mentioning, however. John Cena and Daniela Melchior both do everything they can with befuddling lines, managing to infuse some real life into the film wherever possible.
It pains me to report that Brie Larson is severely underutilized in Fast X. It seems like her character is a last minute write-in to add another big name to the cast. Larson is up to her usual standard as an Oscar-winning actress, but her role in this film is tantamount to cooking Wagyu in the microwave. It’s just a waste.
All of this is not to say Fast X is without fun. As any movie with a $340 million dollar budget should (yes that’s right, a bigger budget than Avengers: Infinity War), there are some intriguing action set pieces and some humor that will land depending on the audience. Long-time dedicated fans will surely have a blast, and will welcome as many more movies as the studio will continue to feed them (it honestly might be their running joke at this point).
‘Fast X’ review: A disappointing showing for a dying franchise
Often times, things just are what they are. The only thing we can expect from the Fast franchise at this point is ridiculous action and poorly written dialogue that relies on nostalgia and characters that have long since aged out of having anything meaningful left to offer. No character deaths hold any meaning anymore, because in all likelihood, they’re just going to be brought back down the line.
Fast X is currently projecting to race out of the gates with a $300 million opening weekend at the worldwide box office, and as long as these movies keep printing money like that, we can expect to see them every two to three years.
Fast X plays exclusively in theaters May 19. Follow the Agents of Fandom socials for all the latest news and move reviews.
'Fast X' Review'Fast X' Review
- Jason Momoa is outstanding. Simultaneously terrifying and hilarious
- Melchior and Cena stand out
- Some action is fun
- Atrocious editing during hand-to-hand fight scenes
- Abysmal dialogue
- Relies too much on nostalgia